Stoicstella

Delete the post and it's gone like smoke in the wind. Doesn't that feel a little like falsifying history, doesn't it feel weird looking where that post ought to be and seeing nothing, it's not like we both don't know it was there. Maybe I didn't respond the way you would have wanted, to you being honest... well I understand that only one of us is allowed to speak our mind at a time... I guess we would both rather it be me. Fine. I am not going to delete this post. HA HA

( mema-jema )

The following is a bookmeme which I Swiped from chiquita_queen who ganked it from amara_anon.  The rules are as follows:

Bold the books you have read
Italicize the books you have read and not finished/are reading.
Underline the books you intend to read
Strike the books you hated so much you couldn't finish them/hated.

And I suppose add three to the bottom of the list should you pass it on. *except I kept thinking every book I hadn't read I should read,
so I would have practically underlined the whole list.
Even the ones I have never heard of before!
and I hardly ever stop reading a book even ones I hate, I just consider them italisized!

( onward to my list )

I'm bad at anonymous anything, so I didn't bother with incognito, if you think I love you peek in and see what I said.

Right now there is someone on your friendslist whose posts always make you smile, or maybe someone who's having a bad day, maybe someone you're missing, or maybe there's even someone you don't have friended, but you'd like to show some appreciation to/for.

Go to lovememe and leave a comment for/about them, and then post this in your journal (unless you want to be ultra-anonymous, then maybe wait a bit to post it!) :)

Seriously. End yourself.

I wrote the story part to a picture book at four thirty one morning. No idea why. Sometimes I have serious suspicions that I am not in control of my own brain.

Wallpapering was a bust.

( and now a word from our sponsers )

Who said I never posted anything important?

Oh right that was me.

I knew it sounded familiar

Well the writing isn't bad, at least I hope the writing isn't bad. Just the sex is bad, all clumisy and embarrassing and emotionally scarring. Because I like to make my characters suffer, they deserve it... seriously.

I feel crazy sometimes but it occurs to me that I am a lot less crazy now than I could be, and then I have been in the past. I just remembered how debilitating my self loathing was when I was in college... Thanks Andrew for talking me off the cliff, even though you probably had no idea I was on it. Sorry for the total and complete cold shoulder, that's just me though, I can't talk to people who are nice to me very long, especially people I am fond of. It makes me self-conscious. But seriously your the best.

I've been thinking about life and what I am going to do with mine... *points at scary post below*... and I just don't have any answers. I just don't have any ambition, other than writing, and I'm not foolish enough to think I could cut a living out of that. I'm so indecisive... I never want anything enough to try for it and risk losing everything else. It's like that paragraph from the bell Jar.

"I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story.

From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was Ee Gee, the amazing editor, and another fig was Europe and Africa and South America, and another fig was Constantin and Socrates and Attila and a pack of other lovers with queer names and offbeat professions, and another fig was an Olympic lady crew champion, and beyond and above these figs were many more figs I couldn't quite make out.

I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn't make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet."

I have no idea what I want.

And if that isn't random enough for you? ( Here is a bunch of quizes and shit )

I thought it was awesome... is it just me or did Mr. Tumnus come across as a bit of pedophile?

( garbagio )

I have a really long journal entry to write about the stress of moving and my general hatred of the world and the people around me as is my right after moving things with my father... but I still don't have time to write it yet... or maybe I have to gather my wits and read fanfiction first, while I waste what precious time I do have? Anyway, I only logged on to let everyone(read andrew) know I am alive and to put this up because Odessa made me:

Dear Santa... Dear Santa, This year I've been busy! In July I helped sarina_lyn across the street (6 points). Last Tuesday I bought porn for odessa (10 points). In May I helped dreamlessdemon see the light (8 points). In November I didn't flush (-1 points). Last Saturday I ruled Canada as a kind and benevolent dictator (700 points). Overall, I've been nice (723 points). For Christmas I deserve a new dolly! Sincerely, Steph_annie2000

Write your letter to Santa! Enter your LJ username:

seems ages since I've had anything other than quizes and memes and whatnot

( On that note )

I will make one, soon... within the next month or so at least *wink-wink, nudge-nudge*

Anywhoo... there are things to say probably, and I will think of an amusing way to say them, give me a minute.

steph_annie2000's Halloween party:

gilesleary dressed as a Columbia/HCA Healthcare employee.
odessa dressed as the King of Japan.
poetic_weaver didn't even show up and doesn't get any candy.
rissy_rae2000 dressed as the spirit of their dead grandmother Doris.
sarina_lyn dressed as John Adams, and it suited them disturbingly well.

Throw your own party at the Hallomeme!
Created with phpNonsense

( Funny )

( Don't wear my heart on your sleeve like a highschool letter )

1. Name someone with the same birthday as you? Jakie Ober... she was my friends sister, we grew up together from a young age and our mothers were best friends... but we never celebrated a birthday together. We were not the same age, but it still almost seems odd in retrospect.

2. Where was your first kiss? a game of truth or dare in a camp...

3. Have you ever seriously vandalized someone else's property? nope... it never occured to me to something like that.

4. Have you ever hit someone of the opposite sex? Nobody who wasn't in my family and even then not seriously. Secretly I am not comfortable touching people... violently or in comfort... my friend of 15 years or so and I have hugged once, and it was an awkward hug after one of her friends died in the eigth grade. (I just have a bubble people do not penetrate).

5. Have you ever sung in front of a large number of people? Every year, from kindergarten until 12th grade (though large number, is realative, it was large for around here.) I have had I think only four solos ever. I have terrible stage fright.

6. What's the first thing you notice about the preferred sex? face shape I think... I never really thought about it.

7. What really turns you on? The sharp edges... Jawlines, collarbones, the bone jutting out just off the hip.

8. What do you order at Starbucks? Nothing. I hate coffe and have never even been inside Starbucks.

9. What is your biggest mistake? I have to think of the biggest one? Any of several self-inflicted emotional psychosises that drive me to act in ways I regret (vague enough?)

10. Have you ever hurt yourself on purpose? yes... though it's difficult to explain what I was really hoping to get out of it, not exactly pain.

11. Say something totally random about yourself. I get angry when people agree with me in a fight. Not if they change their mind and take my side... but if they want to let it drop and go "fine whatever, your right". It makes me even angrier because I get frustrated that I can not make them see my point and now they have given up even trying... I have a calm and rational sense of thought, but I get volatile and idiotic in fights (something I learned from my father I think).

12. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity? No...

13. Do you still watch kiddy movies or tv shows? All the time. I turn on Nick Junior in the morning and watch that channel until Larissa falls asleep to nick @ nite at night. I can speak along with just about every episode of Spongebob, fairly oddparents, or jimmy neutron to ever happen (and quite enjoy singing along with the backyardagains)

14. Did you have braces? No my teeth are straight, it's my gums that are bad.

15. Are you comfortable with your height? Usually... I spend the day with little kids so I don't get a lot of reminders that I am short. Anyway it never really bothered me to begin with.

16. What is the most romantic thing someone of the preferred sex has done for you? Sadly the closest thing that I have ever had to romance has been bad pickup lines and immature inuendo. *sigh* the romance is lacking in my life.

17. When do you know it's love? I don't know... I think that if I ever fall in love I will know it... I mean that's what everyone says.

18. Do you speak any other languages? Not fluently, I am less than conversational after four years of German class.

19. Have you ever been to a tanning salon? No, frankly tanning on purpose seems dumb to me, I never understood the appeal though, I tan easy, if I am out in the sun for very long, but I have a dark complexion and lots of frekles and don't care one bit about skintone.

20. What magazines do you read? I don't really read magazines... though I will skim catalougues... it's like window shopping in the convenience of your own home.

21. Have you ever ridden in a limo? Nope.

22. Has anyone you were really close to passed away? Someone I was really close to? Two people I went to school with died when I was in highschool, one of them I used to be friends with and we had a falling out... we got on eachothers nerves for some reason and I avoided her more often than not by the time it happened... so I don't know about close. My stepfather's father died, my unlce Al, my Aunt Emma (I can't imagine catagorizing any of them as close... like if my mother died, or one of my siblings... I would fall apart... but these were just emotionally uncomfortable.

23. Do you watch mtv? No, though when I was twelve I really enjoyed that show Say What, where they told the lyrics (but that was before I was an internet drone).

24. What's something that really annoys you? People who think they know you before having met you... first impressions that you can not outlive. Like when someone sees me and thinks I'm a kid because I look about 15 and refuse to believe I could be a responsible adult, even when in reality the person and I are pretty close in age. Aggravating.

25. What's something you really like? Nature and poetry... interchangably. They are both things that make me feel peaceful and happy in a place deep inside, and reminds me that some things are okay.

26. Do you like Michael Jackson? I can't say that I do

27. Can you dance? I don't dance... not only do I have two left feet and no sense of rythm, but I don't dance...

28. What's the latest you have ever stayed up? A week or so... though seriously when I get to a certain point in the night I just decide going to sleep would not be worth it so, it would be hard to record the latest I have ever stayed up considering the amount of times I have not gone to sleep at all.

29. Have you ever been rushed by an ambulance into the emergency room? yes. Eleventh grade my sister got into a car accident and I cracked the windsheild with my skull (but I did not crack my skull with the windsheild). I was fine, but they paramedics insisted.

30. Do you actually read these when other people fill them out? it depends on the person, sometimes I read ones from complete strangers... (because Stangers with this kind of honesty make me grow a big rubbery one) because I find it fascinating I can just get inside other peoples heads. I almost always read them on friends lists, just to see what they say.

Stella took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test! "Seeks the determination and elasticity of will nec..." Click here to read the rest of the results.

This is bizarelly acurate... it makes me feel naked. I don't understand how a test can be so accurate with nothing but colors. It's too weird.

You're an Angst writer!


What kind of writer are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

I'm an angst writer, don't I know it. They say write what you know, and I have a sixth sense for meladrama... go figure?

Watched POA for the first time ever sunday. he he... well half of it, I had to take a break because my sister was getting antsy becuase I wouldn't stop pacing and listing everything that didn't happen in the book... I do that. I can't restrain myself. It's like I can not make them two seperate experiences and one always ruins the other for me. Usually the film for the book. I know it's stupid, but it's one of my CHARMING personality traits, and anyone who loves me must learn to deal with it... my sister included (eventually)... I will finish watching it next time my sister invites me over and allows me to turn it on, as it's her movie and I can not be bothered to buy it.

I think I am going to write a voldemort/Adolf Hitler comparitive Essay... I have no explanation why. It seems like a good idea. Heavy order for 1:45 in the morning, though I did admittedly sleep 13 hours yesterday and feel a little whired to the moon... I am of course expected to man the ship tommorow at eight regardless so I should sleep anyway... but tell that to my sleeping disorder. ;)

I hate my stepfather... this is not news but I felt it bared repeating.

I think I don't know what else to say... so that will be all

I had a hard time answering some of those questions... depending on my mood I can be extremly namby-pamby... Um my political stance?

( Read more... )

It's a personal quandrey of mine... no matter how sick I get I can't make myself take medicine. I'm stupid or something.

and meme:
You are Cat, from CatDog. You love the finer things
in life, possessing a great deal of
intelligence doing what is necessary to
increase your brain power by reading or other
mind stimulations. You're an independent
thinker that doesn't listen to popular opinion
unless it agrees with you. You are shy and
cherish peace. purrr...


Which cartoon CAT are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

I had a rough night last night... I have hardly felt that helpless in years. I wonder what the hell is wrong with me. My mother will probably have a coniption when she realises I dipped into her ciggerettes, though I did tell her I don't think she took me seriously... probably because I am always giving her a hard time about starting it up again. I can't seem to make peace with the monsters in my own head, which is excuse enough to never be alone. When the lights go out and it's just me and my brain I remember things I would rather forget and thoughts I would rather not have cross my brain even in fleeting attach themselves and get lodged there.

I do not want to follow that train especially, the one that leads to the darkest tunnel... I took it last night and it wrecked me. I found myself standing in my barefeet a block from my house at 3 in the morning looking up at the waning moon, and smoking... something I haven't done in YEARS. If I was a teenager and knew someone who I thought could have helped I would have tried to score something heavier... that's how dealt with this train than... but of course it was more than a memory than.

I'm exhausted... emotionally, I can feel it in my muscles, in the marrow of my bones... it's such a stupid pathethic superficial excuse for emoional scarring, and all the implications of my own pathetic melodrama makes it that more complicated and painful when the train crashes and I fall apart.

In brighter news:
I did a bunch of meme thing-a-ma-bobs
( Read more... )

The one about being chauvenistic made me laugh hysterically. Honestly as if I was supposed to agree with the woman in this story... she may have been "doing it for love" but she was still in the moral wrong! Click on the quiz-link to see what I mean. I knew I hated feminists but I didn't realize I was such an old fashioned, closed minded man... ;)

Which is partially why I only show up once a month on average. Seriously though, a week of no internet is just plain cruel when we are paying 30 dollars a month... The cable company really bites...


anyway... Meme:
( Read more... )